U know when you're desperate for something, or even anything, all these promises of will and determination seem to turn on a cheek. The minute you do get what u seek though, it just all becomes the self-convincing routine to get yourself through each day just so to you get to hold on to what's given, and hope for the better.

Well, the lazy bug's caught up with me.

Because the shifts I currently undertake is either from 7am - 3pm or 3pm - 11pm, its a bit of a nic and nak really. I love early starts, but climbing out of bed at 0530 is not quite my ideal. Yet, Im no fan of afternoons either. I really enjoy having my freedom to short afternoon naps and my job has robbed me of that luxury. On top of that, Im missing my favourite shows on TV. If this could get any worse, its the Manager announcing that he wants me to do night audit too twice a week at least and I am not pleased. I mean I did do a bit of empty promises to get the job, but doesnt everyone else? And this has landed me in a terrible time too.

Its ten minutes to 11pm. Its ten minutes to my shift ending. Its ten minutes to seeing prin. Its ten minutes to knowing my hunger will be relieved. Its ten minutes to home sweet home.

On the darker side....

It seems when I finally start to trust credit card transactions online, I get proved right they are just all gimmicks. I hopefully enter my personal details they require to join this working-from-home online application. And 1 month after, I get an unthorized $70 deduction from the account. How infuriating! You would think that they would have some manners at least to first inform you of any deductions, but NO! What makes this so much more interesting is that Im in Australia, and they are based over in America! Its going to be hard to sue their ass now. But lucky I have a brother whose over in the states now, who can probably sort this out for me. So im hoping for the best.

Anyways, work's been pretty slow today which reminds me of the back pains Ive been having. I went for a Chinese massage just the other day and Im really not sure if I'll go for another one. IT HURTS, BAD! I felt like I was was aching more when I left the parlour than before I went in! I havent had any luck seeing any indonesian or thai massage places around here, those are sensational!

Random though here. I went to a clothes swap yesterday. It was exciting, exhausting, annoying and rejuvenating all at once. Check it out at www.clothingexchange.com.au I must admit that there were several moment of truths going on here! All these women could kill for a bargain and it was almost amusing watching them wildly rushing for clothing pieces whlist trying to put on an elegant front. I had this one chick in fromt of me rush to fight for a top that she knocked down a rack of hanging clothes and didnt bother to pick it up. And then there's another chick who pushes right past me to the front and then turns with a big smile on her face and said 'sorry' as if to mean it wasnt deliberate. Hello! Its crazy what women will do for things they want, but wont admit how they did it. Anyways, I will put up pictures later on of the treasures I swapped for.

Back from the silence.

For those who had no idea, its been nearly five months now since i stepped foot back in sunny island singapore. and yes, ive been on hiatus for a long time on my blog .

BUT. i have a valid reason.

All my time spent is in front of the computer, piles of paperwork heaped on my right, 2 shots of espressos every morning, and my ass glued to my desk. Aaaaahhhh, Adulthood. It has taken me great pains to finally figure out I dont belong in an office, and definitely not a job that keeps me kneaded to my office space during my entire shift. My doctor said so too.

Im not quite myself these days, choosing the cozy comfort of my bed to the familiar dimlit surroundings of bass pumping from huge speakers and the taste of alcohol. Pardon me, but its only 9.00pm and Im ready to snooze in a minute.

So how's singapore going, you say. For one, the weather is a killer over here. Got really bad rashes at the start and didnt enjoy being in the sun. I have hardly a visible tan due to the long hours indoors during working hours and weekends are meant to be spent in bed. That leaves the beach or the poolside nowhere on my schedule.

Thats no worry though. Because Id tell you, in a month to come, my work commitment official comes to an end. Koodus! And I'll be on the next plane to Thailand, living it up in the sun! Christmas & New Years will be spent raving in Koh Phangan for their Full Moon Party & some big rave thats taking place I was told. I be there for a month, plenty of time for the break I truly deserve after eighteen months of slogging it out! Basically, travelling between Koh Phangan, BKK, Chiang Mai & Pattaya! Got a list of things I gotta get done while Im there since its a cheap buy over there =)

Other than the effortless will to contain this overgrowing excitement, its a pain knowing its not till another annoying twenty five days before it stops being a dream. Its no good either that Im trying to stay indoors to save up on my trip as well, which makes time slip by a little less slower. My other insecurity is how much this place is revolving into such a foreign unfamiliarity. There are no longer attachments I hold for this place, such like my close friends are overseas, or the living conditions are far more beneficial compared to my own country, and with working situations possessing a greater appeal.

geez. why am i even here?

ok. its been more than an hour, and ive been watching tv, msning in between writing this entry. and you know its time for bed, when your eyes tell you so.

It is always fustrating, to have to adapt to an unfamiliar daily routine.

You get waken up by the annoying continuous buzzing of the alarm, and the automatic movement of your right hand shifts to hit the snooze button. In your half-sleep, you remember having performed that same motion. Before you know it, the electronic digits on your clock flashes 8:50 am in red.

Holy shit! 10 mins to class.
Manic rush to the toilet, wash up, check schedule, grab the necessary stuff, out the door.

Mental notes:
texts & notes; name badge; mobile; my brain (am i even awake enough?);

CIGARETTES...?

U-turn back to the room, grab that new pack of smokes, 'cause the last one had finished, and at that smoking rate, no wonder my finances seemed to be a bit difficult on me. Not to mention what other substances that may involve.

Accustomed to the lifestyle of getting outta bed 10 mins prior to class, it does feel kinda nice. Issue is, that was life last year for me but Im still living it as if things have remained the same. Now relaxed, Im not sure anymore. Its always been a problem for me adjusting myself from the comforts of all-day bumping and not getting out of bed to the long-dreaded dragging myself to run errands, class (well since its only once a week) and doing job interviews. By the way, Im already 2months behind allocation a job.

So, you must imagine it must be a pretty tough one to nail. My stress level increases with each passing day of not finding an apartment yet, having to bunk with a friend, and staying most nights on campus.

just simply because its so much fun, getting drunk with people on any day of the week, and also 'cause i can!

summary of my life: